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(dysthmia)

by all my nights are dreams

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1.
in the mercurial morning light on bombs in the bay all the gold in the water the fireworks of independence day in the mind and the belly in a torino gt she purrs and she's heavy anxious to be free there's no god in this valley cannibals prowl the reeds they're downtrodden in denver fallen in with lesser beast and it's hard, as the long days are coming harder still, as the long days are here i don't know nothing, i don't know that I ever will cast my shadow to the concrete i'm taller than i've ever been i tried once to live the good life fell instead to a life of sin it's the wind that lifts the curtains levitating in the den the cold chill of your slumber unknown where or when its consequence of collapse gravel dug into our hands as sweat trickles down brows there's a voice listing demands and it's hard, as the long days are coming harder still, as the long days are here i don't feel nothing, i don't know that I ever will...
2.
Parakeet 03:15
light in the attic truck in the yard tv static shotgun beneath the bar double cassette kiss on the deck shag carpet in the kitchen 5 days late on rent standing still silhouette in the window shadows from blue to grey lost in some strange limbo parakeet died alone in it's cage standing still is it still standing answering machine memory full photos on the mirror of friends back in school body laid low cool against the ground left the grave open so you could see out standing still, i guess it's still standing, i guess it's still standing my ex girlfriend wrote poems on her thighs with a knife that she heated on the stove most nights out the window a view of power lines and the neighbors property trailer on it's side standing still silhouette in the window shadows from blue to grey lost in some strange limbo parakeet died alone in it's cage standing still is it still standing in the basement by candlelight thunder and lightning storm outside tornado sirens this could be it we've waited our whole lives for something like this
3.
i could kill you with my hands violent desire meets violent ends still making money on the backend i wore out all my old friends some people were born for the machine others were born only to break things chipped a tooth on a bad date drinking alone on my birthday i still look young for my years you'll never catch me in tears my favorite dreams are the nightmares i'm the guy that lives downstairs i crossed your name off months ago got tired of hanging with your ghosts inside every man there's a devil i'll wear that bruise like a medal throw your dreams on the pile i think we're here for a while city landfills, garbage fires there's still someone i admire
4.
i used the last of the paints on your portrait a lazy dog blocking the doorstep we all have our own particular way to worship had something to say but now it's unimportant it all washes away it all washes away it all washes away it all washes away when darkness falls we don't have to talk you were sweeping the floor under the carpet i've been here before this is not what i wanted the damage is done now we live here forever our bodies of rust follow the river * you're building a house in the park by the fountain coins in the pond koi swim all around them you are learning to trust and bike without handles and i'm catching up not that it matters i used the last of the soap on the dishes coming up short still have your knight and your bishop can this be the end of a world that is endless closing the doors and barring the entrance
5.
drive out to the desert in a Cadillac riding in the trunk with a shovel and a bag gun in your hand and words in your mouth ...'we're not coming back' saw a plane going down, couldn't hear the crash 50 miles from anywhere and we're out of gas nowhere is good enough for me, now kindly let me leave ...wasn't meant to last never saw a sun, set so fast thrown into the pitch, tar pit black i've never known anyone never known no one come back from despair as deep as you have done ...now don't go back bullets overhead, I know that sound fistfuls of earth and we're moving out what mattered then does it still matter now? ....we came back somehow sirens down the street cops on their feet moving through backyards parting laundered sheets dogs barking from behind their screens ...we may never know peace never saw a sun, set so fast thrown into the pitch, tar pit black i've never known anyone never known no one come back from despair as deep as you have done never saw a sun, set so fast thrown into the pitch, tar pit black i've never known anyone never known no one come back from despair as deep as you have done ...now don't go back
6.
man you gotta know gotta know what you stand for, these devils are a handful what's behind it all step up or we fall try to break you down, bend, be broken, surrender to the sound, the path is open all there is to know, we all will walk alone these days it's hard to know who to depend on, everything is wrong, still dark at the dawn it all falls apart, broken as our hearts man you've gotta fight for your convictions, with everything you are, your best intentions grifters and the frauds and all the lesser gods the bastards wear down day by day, don't recognize the sound of your own voice now alone in the dark everything has its start man you gotta know gotta know what you stand for, these devils are a handful what's behind it all step up or we fall Judith with the Head of Holofernes now every time i hear you speak the words bleed

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released January 1, 2020

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All My Nights Are Dreams Cheyenne, Wyoming

punk pyrate folk fooker gut-punch philosophaster.

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reach out if you wanna record with me or sing for me.

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